Emu vs Kiwi

[Sarge]

Kiwi
      How could a Kiwi be at a factory contructing Holdens, When their all down the dole office. You will also need more backing than Helen Clark. As take the Ansset Deal, When the going got tuff the NZ goverment said sell and sever all tie with the Aussie, but first pick that company dry. We made it though that. We will over come this half-hearted attact that you and a small number of small bird are attempting.

Helen Clark run and hide, like you normally would if you are a true politician.

Nickers you should run while your still young. & as for Aussie who marrie a Kiwi,  We call them shearers. Just as most Kiwi women are called BARBARa.

Regards
Mark  

PS HOLD THE LINE MEN.

[ruxton]

morning  men.  i have been watching whats going on here.we are proud men.  we drive cars built in our country...our cars.this kiwi--a small bird about the size of a 6 week old chicken and his evil little friend--no nickers, need to be destroyed NOW before things get out of hand. bloody nancy boys---thats all they are.
a little bit of blood shed is a small price to pay.  back in 42 ,our regiment would have fixed them real quick with our 303s.what this country needs is more wars!
god save the queen
god save the flag
god save dick smith
              bruce

[slim]

Is it True that All kiwis call there sheep Marty , Hence the Harka ?   OH COME MARTY ,COME MARTY  , ,,,,,,,,,,, You have the hardest game to come in the WORLD CUP. Playing the CURRENT Holders, who wont let go without a fight.....   We broke the tide when we WON the Americas cup ..... and again you kiwis followed our lead,,,,,,, TEAM NZ, When will they win Bathurst or a race we watch , not some hybrid race, raced in the stench of a little Birds shit !  And as for the League test , Do Australia still play you guys...... A bit like throwing a dog a bone ,, SIT OOBOO SIT, GOOD DOG !!!!A small reward for years of indignities.

[-KIWI-]

intresting point gentlemen but now for the facts :
holden commodore _ designed by germans (opel)
engine by yanks (buick)
computers by the japanese
paint by the yanks (dulux )
interior wool blend by the KIWIS

auzzie car my arse !!!!!!!!!

as for the war  ruction what the bloody hell does ANZAC stand for

and ansett bull shit qantas nz destroyed by australian federal govt no wonder qantas wants an alliance with air nz to keep them going

slim who won the rugby world cup first kiwis
as for leauge 3/4 of yr teams are kiwi players
and how do you reward the guy that get u the americas cup throw bondy in jail nice guys !!!!!
ps pukekohe v8 touring cars actually require skill to win so hence a kiwi wins again
still no comment from pluckaduck i see(emu)

[4hammers]

Fellas.
I can stand by no longer!!

Firstly, "Kiwi" is totally in a dream if he thinks he has Tasmania covered! Does he not realise I am here? They do not call me "4Hammers" for nothing. Bring it on little chubby bird!

But then, I was betrayed by one of my own countrymen!! EMU, how can you offer Tasmania as a trade, before you consulted me. The paperwork would be amazing.

Long & short, I am on the fence, but in full defence mode, expecting a frontal attack from one of 2 odd bird species. Both of you have let me down

Regards,
a very wary 4hammers

[RET]

... and you have full access to any thing the nz govt can offer...

Well that's got us all a-quivering  What's the capital of New Zealand?  About seven bucks in change

I wasn't going to get into this until it started to get personal.  Emus walking around like Richard the Third?  It's news to me that the famous Australian flightless bird (not to be confused with the cassowary) perambulates about in some manner similar to myself.  I've never been compared to an emu before.  A wombat maybe.  A fish perhaps - as in "drink like a...", but never an emu.

And so...

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.  Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
 
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
 
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."
     
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
     
"It's a planet," replied God, "And I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
     
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.  "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot.  Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people", God continued, pointing to different countries. "And over there,  I call this place America. North America will be rich and powerful and cold, while South America will be poor, and hot and friendly. And the little spot in the middle is Central America, which is a hot spot. Can you see the balance?"
     
"Yes," said the Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then he pointed to a large landmass and asked, "What's that one?"
     
"Ah," said God. "That's Australia, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, rainforests, rivers, streams and  an exquisite coastline. The people are good-looking, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world.
"They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace.
"I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable cricket, rugby and hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."
     
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then exclaimed - "But you said there would be BALANCE!"
     
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the ugly, whingeing, sheep-rooting, Kiwi bastards I'm putting next to them."


Richard III (R.O.T. begat R.K.T. begat R.E.T.)

[Sarge]

Well Men
             I feel it's safe to say that EMU may-be having a well earned rest. But we have nothing to fear, for 4hammers has the south covered I will cover the north. For the rest of our gloriuos contry we now have RET. I call upon all Assie's, rise and and face our enermy's the dreaded little KIWI from across the sea's, As our new almighty leader GOD RET will see us though these troubled time's. Long Live RET. Your Call to Arm's Put a lump in my throat & an extra beat to my heart, I feel Like I am back in uniform protecting my country from evil.

Regards
Mark


P.S Nickers you are rather silent, has the sheep got you tounge.

[knickers]

No Sarge -
Me & Baarbraa just got back from the dole office

[knickers]

Dont sit on the fence 4hammers - I can remenber once when mainlaind Austraya left Tassie off the map, come & join us fellow Kiwi's in the Trans Tasman battle against the long necked, 3 toed, feathered tutu attired bird.

ps - at least we dont eat any of OUR animals on our country's coat of arms

[-KIWI-]

dear sarge ,4 hammers and ret thank you for your emails regarding seeking asylym in new zealand
yes we are prepared to let you emigrate to nz as it helps raise the iq of australia as you said 4 hammers australians allways forget about tasmania anyway so yes we will make you another state of new zealand obviouslly this means your standard of living will improve beyond your wildest dreams phone power and running water will be provided to you something you could only dream about till now

sarge ret you are correct it is time to leave your desert isle before we have total control
awaiting your arrival
kiwi supreme comander

nickers did you get my 15 dole cheques for me as well??/

[Emu]

MMMmmm,

Looks like the battle is heating up!

4Hammers, remember "the first casualty of war is the truth"
As if I would offer Tasmania in a deal! I only offered Launceston, Hobart and that bushy, wet bit in the Northeast that would be a great spot for a dam.

Kiwi, makes up stories to try to divide and conquer. He has a well-oiled propaganda machine.

Hey Kiwi, if the Government is being so generous why don't you ask for use of the air force, I am. We are both flightless, so some good supersonic craft would come in handy. I am employing a squadron of F111's a squadron of FA18's, some Chinooks, Iriqouis and a couple of Seaking helicopters. What's that?......................... no airforce? .............. oh............. Well at least u could use your domestic airline you bought from us. What's it called again?....... Oh yeah.. ANSETT AIRLINES!!!!!!!

Enough said.

This is it boys "Over the Top!!"

[4hammers]

Hi Emu.
I thought about it after my post & realised it was a cunning ploy to get me to go to the side of the big arsed bird. Consider me an Aussie fighter. Especially after Kiwis crack about phone & running water.
Let's go!!
Rob J

[-KIWI-]

a decission u will come to regret 4 hammers u are obviously happy livin in the 1880s



never wanted that bloody island anyway we got 3 of our own


nickers keep to the plan tactics tactics
as for the air force dont need air support but thanks for the tactical update
kiwis have better more effective ways to take over


ps nickers start operation DOLEBLUDGER
over and ot

mgr gen bgdr kiwi QSN CBE ABC ANZ etc

[Emu]

Good move RobJ,

You're most welcome on the winning team.

You know that if you sit on the fence, you get shot at from both sides!

Yes, he is a nasty fat-arsed Kiwi with his rude comments. I hope Roy and H.J. join in the fray.

RET, thanks for your support. I can only aspire to produce a turn of phrase like your good self. Perambulate......... beautiful, just beautiful!

Feel free to add more engrossing stories like the last. Quite a twist at the end. What a raconteur!

[Sarge]

General Sitrep to Troops
  Men & Women of Australia, The EMU is right. The first tacktic is to divide & conquer, the best way for this is properganda. It is oboviuos that this is what that little Kiwi is trying. Remember only believe those that you can trust, So ask's yourself can you trust a small fat flightless bird that does nothing but chase sheep, travel over to Australia & collect the dole for a few months then (with the dollar exchange rate) travel back to NZ & live like a king for a year or so. I dont believe that you can. So dont listen to his lie's & most inportant dont look into his eye's.

Regards
Mark

[craiga]

Emu,

I think this should cover it.............



A Bloke is having a quiet drink in a bar, leans over to the big guy next to
him and says: "Do you wanna hear a Kiwi joke?"

The big guy replies: "Well, mate, before you tell that joke, you should know
something.  I'm six feet tall, 105 kgs and I played rugby as a forward for
the All Blacks.  The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 115 kgs and he's
an ex All Black lock.  Next to him is a bloke who's 6'5", weighs 120kgs and
he's a current All Black second rower.

Now, do you still want to tell that Kiwi joke?"

The first bloke says: "Nah, not if I'm going to have to explain it three
times."



In this little bar, sitting on a stool at the bar all by himself, was a 6 foot 5 inch 350 pound Kiwi having a few beers minding his own business.
A little queer comes in and sits down right beside the big Kiwi.
The Kiwi looks at the queer not saying anything and goes back to drinking his beer and minding his own business. The little queer has 3 or 4 beers and goes to the washroom for a leak, he returns to the same stool beside the big Kiwi with no conversation between the two. The queer has 3 or 4 more beers and finally has enough nerve to say something to the big Kiwi. He leans over cupping the big Kiwi's ear asking him if he would like a blowjob.
With that the big Kiwi drills the little queer between the eyes knocking him off the stool. The Kiwi proceeded to beat the little queer all the way out the front door to the parking lot where he leaves him near death.
The big Kiwi returned to his stool in the bar like nothing had happened where he finished his beer, then asks the bartender to please give him another.
The bartender brought over another beer right away, and had never seen the Kiwi get that excited before, asks him just what the little queer said to him.
The big Kiwi replied "I'm not sure...he said something about a job."



Sorry Kiwi, I'm in the Aussie trench with the other Diggers  

Craig.

[RET]

This is one of my favourite jokes of all time.  It works best when told rather than typed, but I'll have a go.

One day there was an Abo, sitting under a tree, drinking out of a flagon and playing his didgeridoo.  Suddenly and quietly, a Martian spaceship lands nearby.  The two Martians hop out, spy the Abo and say to each other (in Martian, obviously ) "Oh look, a specimen of a human life form!  We must take a sample."  So they troop back into the space-ship, and return with some weird-ass ray-gun that can remove a piece of your brain without you even noticing.

They point it at the Abo (sitting there, drinking out his flagon, playing his didge) and fire it off.  The put the piece of brain into the spectro-analyzer, and... nothing.

They look at each other.  "It must be a bit banged up after the flight from Mars.  We'll take another sample".  So out they come again, take aim at the seated Abo (drinking from his flagon, playing his didge), and grab the sample.  Still nothing.  They look at each other.  "Oh well, what do you reckon? Take the lot?"  The other says "We've only come 60 million miles for this - what the hell."

So they aim the ray-gun at the Abo again, who's sitting there, drinking from his flagon and playing his didge.  They fire it off, and take all the remaining brain.

Immediately the Abo jumps up, looks at his didge and throws it in one direction, and then polishes off the flagon and throws the empty in the other direction.  Then he half-crouches, whacking himself about the elbows and knees and hollers:

Ka Mate! Ka Mate! Ka Ora! Ka Ora!




cheers
RET

[knickers]

Kiwi
I think we have the Aussies worried as I've heard the Aust govt has annouced plans to upgrade the airforce planes to - I believe the Tiger Moth, but they are unsure how they will strap the gunners on to the wings. In the meantine they will go with the current emu army equipped with sling shots patrolling the 'green fringed' island.

oops!! dam - to late I should have sent you a p/m

[-KIWI-]

thanks for update co nickers is operation DOLEBLUGGER under way? more than one way to cripple a country aye nick!!!!



regards comaner in cheif and emu sortaouter
kiwi fc ek out  
---___--____>>>>__.....___///::::::: refer yr code book

[FC0058]

Comrade
kiwi knows full well what the letters A.N.Z.A.C stand for and as you will not they still can note spell to well.

A= ANOTHER
N= New
Z= ZULANDERS
A= ASS
C=CICKED

So troops lets put on our soccer boots and have a game of KIWI soccer. The guys in WA might be able to help us out with the rules of the game as I believe it is very similar to QUACKA soccer.

Lets "KICK" thier ass at another game. The plight of the Kiwi is not very promising.