O/T joke alert.

[customFC]

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum
cleaners.

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said."Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet."If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite,because they cut off my electricity this morning.  

Regards
Alex

[-KIWI-]

 This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a Portion of
> National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and
> US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to
sponsor
a
> Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
>
> FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to
> Teach these young boys when they visit your base?
>
> GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing,
canoeing,archery,
and
> shooting.
>
> FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
>
> GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on
The
> rifle range.
>
> FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous
> activity to be teaching children?
>
> GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper
Rifle
> discipline before they even touch a firearm.
>
> FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent
killers.
>
> GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're
> not one, are you?
>
> The radio went silent and the interview ended. You gotta love the
> Marines

[Oz_man]

The following is the actual transcript of a radio conversation between a u.s. naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland. Released by the chief of naval operations on October the fifth, 1995.


U.S. Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision.

Canadian reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

U.S. Ship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship, i say again divert your course.

Canadian reply:No. you divert your course.

U.S. Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!!

Canadian reply: This is a lighthouse.....your call....




Gota love the yanks.  Funny how things haven't changed in 50 years!!