Happy 39th Birthday to the love of my life!!!!!!!!

I love you sweetie!!!!!!!!  

DIS IS A FUNNY ONE

A bus stops and two Italian men get on.

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

"JOE"

Joe and his wife were working in their garden one day when Joe looks over at his wife and says, "Your butt is getting really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the grill."

With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's butt.

"Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the grill!!"

The wife chose to ignore her husband.

Later that night in bed Joe was feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"

Hi y'all,

Here's a new joke for the day. It's called........

"LETTER TO MY REDNECK SON"

Dear Redneck Son,

I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be to heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning; but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if your an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your brother......

Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off playfully and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love, Mum

P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.

y'all have a good day now!!     jenny lou

Hi everyone, How's everyone doing today? I hope well.

Here's a bit of a joke to bring laughter to your day.  


Cards you will NEVER see in a Hallmark store .....

1. "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the hell was I thinking?"

2. "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."

3. "How could two people as beautiful as you, have such an ugly baby?"

4. "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."

5. "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell 'til I met you."

6. "As the days go by, everyday I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."

7. "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."

8. "As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."

9. "Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew what evil was before this!"

10. "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again."

11. "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."

12. "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age... Almost Lifelike!"

13. "When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

14. "I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

15. "We have been friends for a very long time, what do ya' say we call it quits."

16. "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."

17. "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"

18. "You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

19. "Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday--so we're having you put to sleep."

20. "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Kentucky)

I hope you all have a great day!! jenny lou