FE-FC Holden Discussion Forum

Attention All Aussies!!

As many of you are aware, I have been leading the "Ant-Kiwi" troops for some time now. I have found the stress of this role almost overwhelming. I am leaving on Tuesday to go O.S. to the U.S. for some valuable R & R. I will be gone for 2 and a half weeks and should return refreshed and ready to rally the troops.

I am asking that in my absence you all rally around Major General "Sarge" and keep the fight up to the Old Kiwi. There could be tough times ahead as our front-line Wallabies go in as underdogs next weekend. A loss could seriously affect our morale and will provide the stunted, flightless one with heaps of ammo.

I'm depending on you "Slim" and Trev(Robbzfc58) - amongst others -  to step up. Lead the young "Phantom" by example, he is only new.

I will check in from time to time during my absence to see the progress of the battle.

Over and out

Field Marshal Emu,  I shall return!

Hey Emu ,thanks for the "young" phantom mate , after all i am only 49 years of age , and i will endeavour to carry on Kiwi bashing while you are away.
                                    Cheers Russell

I dont normally attack something that cant defend itself, But EMU , this time Ill make an Exception. Only because you have been doing such a Grand job at KIWI BASHING!!!  POOR DEFENSELESS THING IT IS.

Slim,

This Kiwi is not as defenceless as he seems!!

Phantom, maybe "young" wasn't the most appropriate description. New to the "Corps" was what I was trying to say.

Keep up the good work and what a fine looking ride u have!

EMU
     You have earned a good rest so make the most of your R & R, for we all eagerly await your return.  ;)

Regards
Mark


KIWI beware For we the protectors of EMU tuff are watching you. :P

why would u back an ostrich ? esprcially one that when the goin gets tough the emu gets goin !!!!!


emu face facts we wiN the tourinG cars we will win the rugby we just about Won the leauge we won the americas cup ...

u must be wantin to emigrate to nz at this rate

sarge phantom slim etc send me a pm and we can avoid your public humilation at gettin ur arse kicked bya kiwi


emu if you were a true leader u would stay and fight to the death but alas emus obviouslly have week knees and canT stomach a fight with a lil old kiwi


GET HARD JOIN THE WINNING SIDE
VOTE 1 KIWI ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Hey this seems a bit one sided.........but he does ask for it.

Now about them touring cars........OK, the NZ's prove they can drive as well as the Aussies and the rest of the world, but when they wheel a Kiwi car onto the starting grid, then we'll take that comment serious.

America's Cup.......only a Kiwi would take a Battleship to a YAGHT race......

Regards
Alex

P.S Emu, have a great holiday.

emu   message received loud & clear!
its the world against kiwi!
wasn't there something about a west aussie boat taking the americas cup a few years back.
have a good trip, emu ,   you've left the country in safe hands.

does nz not have a car its called TEAM KIWI ;) ;) ;) ;)

kiwi vs the rest
WHAT IS AN EMU ????
An emu is an australian bird. It can't fly. It is grey, and slightly depressed (walks round all hunched over like Richard the third, making grouchy noises to itself). I met a few when I visited my relatives in Australia. They are the most depressing birds

Team Kiwi......NZ driver, NZ mechanics, NZ $ backing.........AUSTRALIAN CAR.

Regards
Alex

made by kiwis in an auzzie factory !!!!

hey craig     not many kiwis working anywhere in aus

That's not fair Trev,

It is hard work lining up in the hot Gold Coast sun to collect ya dole cheque!!!

Thanks all for your well wishes.

I feel much better about leaving now.

Go Wallabies!!!!

Kiwi my friend you have my 100% backing - still while they're picking on us antipodians they're leaving the Poms alone.
Hmmm, emu's, dont they wear feather tutu's.

Any way, what do you call an Aussie who marries a Kiwi - a social climber.

EMU     MAY DAY   MAY DAY   theres two of them  & they can both spell

thats rite folks theres 2 of us and we got your country covered from west  to the  east  and probablly all of tasmania u are surronded
but go ahead emu leave that will double the iq of both australia and the usa
and holly shit were educated kiwis too

nickers you are an hounarable and brave partner in this fight against the evil ostrich emu

and thank you for all the emails faxs calls of support and finanacial assistance from the many many members of this forum who are kiwi supporters i (WE ) wont let you down

signed general k1w1
ridder of evil emus

O.K. O.K. Don't panic boys!!

Remember your training. Back to basics.

Secure the perimeter and stick together.

Kiwi, 3 years in the 4th grade doesn't make u edumacated. Does your mate "frilly Nickers" know what he's getting into you? His demise will be on your head!

Fix bayonets!!

dear kiwi just a short note to let you know that all on new zealand is behind you in your brave fight against the evil emu empire this sadam hussain of birds must be stopped at any cost and you have full access to any thing the nz govt can offer in your brave brave fight againt that nasty emu


regards
helen clark
nz primeminister
govt buildings wellington nz  

 ;D ;Demu
thanks for your email today re a ceasefire
unfortunitly i am unable to grant your request all though the offer of a 7 day all expences paid trip to the gold coast was apealing i can not be bribed also offering us tasmania as a good will guesture was great but you should have asked tasmania first
sorry youll have to fight to the death
regards your arch enemy
kiwi ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Kiwi
      How could a Kiwi be at a factory contructing Holdens, When their all down the dole office. You will also need more backing than Helen Clark. As take the Ansset Deal, When the going got tuff the NZ goverment said sell and sever all tie with the Aussie, but first pick that company dry. We made it though that. We will over come this half-hearted attact that you and a small number of small bird are attempting.

Helen Clark run and hide, like you normally would if you are a true politician.

Nickers you should run while your still young. & as for Aussie who marrie a Kiwi,  We call them shearers. Just as most Kiwi women are called BARBARa.

Regards
Mark  :P

PS HOLD THE LINE MEN.

morning  men.  i have been watching whats going on here.we are proud men.  we drive cars built in our country...our cars.this kiwi--a small bird about the size of a 6 week old chicken and his evil little friend--no nickers, need to be destroyed NOW before things get out of hand. bloody nancy boys---thats all they are.
a little bit of blood shed is a small price to pay.  back in 42 ,our regiment would have fixed them real quick with our 303s.what this country needs is more wars!
god save the queen
god save the flag
god save dick smith
              bruce

Is it True that All kiwis call there sheep Marty , Hence the Harka ?   OH COME MARTY ,COME MARTY  , ,,,,,,,,,,, You have the hardest game to come in the WORLD CUP. Playing the CURRENT Holders, who wont let go without a fight.....   We broke the tide when we WON the Americas cup ..... and again you kiwis followed our lead,,,,,,, TEAM NZ, When will they win Bathurst or a race we watch , not some hybrid race, raced in the stench of a little Birds shit !  And as for the League test , Do Australia still play you guys...... A bit like throwing a dog a bone ,, SIT OOBOO SIT, GOOD DOG !!!!A small reward for years of indignities.

intresting point gentlemen but now for the facts :
holden commodore _ designed by germans (opel)
engine by yanks (buick)
computers by the japanese
paint by the yanks (dulux )
interior wool blend by the KIWIS

auzzie car my arse !!!!!!!!!

as for the war  ruction what the bloody hell does ANZAC stand for ???

and ansett bull shit qantas nz destroyed by australian federal govt no wonder qantas wants an alliance with air nz to keep them going

slim who won the rugby world cup first kiwis
as for leauge 3/4 of yr teams are kiwi players
and how do you reward the guy that get u the americas cup throw bondy in jail nice guys !!!!!
ps pukekohe v8 touring cars actually require skill to win so hence a kiwi wins again
still no comment from pluckaduck i see(emu)

Fellas.
I can stand by no longer!!

Firstly, "Kiwi" is totally in a dream if he thinks he has Tasmania covered! Does he not realise I am here? They do not call me "4Hammers" for nothing. Bring it on little chubby bird!

But then, I was betrayed by one of my own countrymen!! EMU, how can you offer Tasmania as a trade, before you consulted me. The paperwork would be amazing.

Long & short, I am on the fence, but in full defence mode, expecting a frontal attack from one of 2 odd bird species. Both of you have let me down :'(

Regards,
a very wary 4hammers ;)

Well that's got us all a-quivering ::)  What's the capital of New Zealand?  About seven bucks in change ;D

I wasn't going to get into this until it started to get personal.  Emus walking around like Richard the Third?  It's news to me that the famous Australian flightless bird (not to be confused with the cassowary) perambulates about in some manner similar to myself.  I've never been compared to an emu before.  A wombat maybe.  A fish perhaps - as in "drink like a...", but never an emu.

And so...

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.  Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
 
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
 
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."
     
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
     
"It's a planet," replied God, "And I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
     
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.  "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot.  Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people", God continued, pointing to different countries. "And over there,  I call this place America. North America will be rich and powerful and cold, while South America will be poor, and hot and friendly. And the little spot in the middle is Central America, which is a hot spot. Can you see the balance?"
     
"Yes," said the Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then he pointed to a large landmass and asked, "What's that one?"
     
"Ah," said God. "That's Australia, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, rainforests, rivers, streams and  an exquisite coastline. The people are good-looking, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world.
"They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace.
"I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable cricket, rugby and hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."
     
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then exclaimed - "But you said there would be BALANCE!"
     
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the ugly, whingeing, sheep-rooting, Kiwi bastards I'm putting next to them."


Richard III (R.O.T. begat R.K.T. begat R.E.T.)

Well Men
             I feel it's safe to say that EMU may-be having a well earned rest. But we have nothing to fear, for 4hammers has the south covered I will cover the north. For the rest of our gloriuos contry we now have RET. I call upon all Assie's, rise and and face our enermy's the dreaded little KIWI from across the sea's, As our new almighty leader GOD RET will see us though these troubled time's. Long Live RET. Your Call to Arm's Put a lump in my throat & an extra beat to my heart, I feel Like I am back in uniform protecting my country from evil.

Regards
Mark


P.S Nickers you are rather silent, has the sheep got you tounge. ;D

No Sarge -
Me & Baarbraa just got back from the dole office

Dont sit on the fence 4hammers - I can remenber once when mainlaind Austraya left Tassie off the map, come & join us fellow Kiwi's in the Trans Tasman battle against the long necked, 3 toed, feathered tutu attired bird.

ps - at least we dont eat any of OUR animals on our country's coat of arms

dear sarge ,4 hammers and ret thank you for your emails regarding seeking asylym in new zealand
yes we are prepared to let you emigrate to nz as it helps raise the iq of australia as you said 4 hammers australians allways forget about tasmania anyway so yes we will make you another state of new zealand obviouslly this means your standard of living will improve beyond your wildest dreams phone power and running water will be provided to you something you could only dream about till now

sarge ret you are correct it is time to leave your desert isle before we have total control
awaiting your arrival
kiwi supreme comander

nickers did you get my 15 dole cheques for me as well??/

MMMmmm,

Looks like the battle is heating up!

4Hammers, remember "the first casualty of war is the truth"
As if I would offer Tasmania in a deal! I only offered Launceston, Hobart and that bushy, wet bit in the Northeast that would be a great spot for a dam.

Kiwi, makes up stories to try to divide and conquer. He has a well-oiled propaganda machine.

Hey Kiwi, if the Government is being so generous why don't you ask for use of the air force, I am. We are both flightless, so some good supersonic craft would come in handy. I am employing a squadron of F111's a squadron of FA18's, some Chinooks, Iriqouis and a couple of Seaking helicopters. What's that?......................... no airforce? .............. oh............. Well at least u could use your domestic airline you bought from us. What's it called again?....... Oh yeah.. ANSETT AIRLINES!!!!!!!

Enough said.

This is it boys "Over the Top!!"

Hi Emu.
I thought about it after my post & realised it was a cunning ploy to get me to go to the side of the big arsed bird. Consider me an Aussie fighter. Especially after Kiwis crack about phone & running water.
Let's go!!
Rob J

a decission u will come to regret 4 hammers u are obviously happy livin in the 1880s



never wanted that bloody island anyway we got 3 of our own


nickers keep to the plan tactics tactics
as for the air force dont need air support but thanks for the tactical update
kiwis have better more effective ways to take over


ps nickers start operation DOLEBLUDGER
over and ot

mgr gen bgdr kiwi QSN CBE ABC ANZ etc

Good move RobJ,

You're most welcome on the winning team.

You know that if you sit on the fence, you get shot at from both sides!

Yes, he is a nasty fat-arsed Kiwi with his rude comments. I hope Roy and H.J. join in the fray.

RET, thanks for your support. I can only aspire to produce a turn of phrase like your good self. Perambulate......... beautiful, just beautiful!

Feel free to add more engrossing stories like the last. Quite a twist at the end. What a raconteur!

General Sitrep to Troops
  Men & Women of Australia, The EMU is right. The first tacktic is to divide & conquer, the best way for this is properganda. It is oboviuos that this is what that little Kiwi is trying. Remember only believe those that you can trust, So ask's yourself can you trust a small fat flightless bird that does nothing but chase sheep, travel over to Australia & collect the dole for a few months then (with the dollar exchange rate) travel back to NZ & live like a king for a year or so. I dont believe that you can. So dont listen to his lie's & most inportant dont look into his eye's.;D ;D

Regards
Mark

Emu,

I think this should cover it.............

---

A Bloke is having a quiet drink in a bar, leans over to the big guy next to
him and says: "Do you wanna hear a Kiwi joke?"

The big guy replies: "Well, mate, before you tell that joke, you should know
something.  I'm six feet tall, 105 kgs and I played rugby as a forward for
the All Blacks.  The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 115 kgs and he's
an ex All Black lock.  Next to him is a bloke who's 6'5", weighs 120kgs and
he's a current All Black second rower.

Now, do you still want to tell that Kiwi joke?"

The first bloke says: "Nah, not if I'm going to have to explain it three
times."

---

In this little bar, sitting on a stool at the bar all by himself, was a 6 foot 5 inch 350 pound Kiwi having a few beers minding his own business.
A little queer comes in and sits down right beside the big Kiwi.
The Kiwi looks at the queer not saying anything and goes back to drinking his beer and minding his own business. The little queer has 3 or 4 beers and goes to the washroom for a leak, he returns to the same stool beside the big Kiwi with no conversation between the two. The queer has 3 or 4 more beers and finally has enough nerve to say something to the big Kiwi. He leans over cupping the big Kiwi's ear asking him if he would like a blowjob.
With that the big Kiwi drills the little queer between the eyes knocking him off the stool. The Kiwi proceeded to beat the little queer all the way out the front door to the parking lot where he leaves him near death.
The big Kiwi returned to his stool in the bar like nothing had happened where he finished his beer, then asks the bartender to please give him another.
The bartender brought over another beer right away, and had never seen the Kiwi get that excited before, asks him just what the little queer said to him.
The big Kiwi replied "I'm not sure...he said something about a job."

---

Sorry Kiwi, I'm in the Aussie trench with the other Diggers  ;D

Craig.

This is one of my favourite jokes of all time.  It works best when told rather than typed, but I'll have a go.

One day there was an Abo, sitting under a tree, drinking out of a flagon and playing his didgeridoo.  Suddenly and quietly, a Martian spaceship lands nearby.  The two Martians hop out, spy the Abo and say to each other (in Martian, obviously ::)) "Oh look, a specimen of a human life form!  We must take a sample."  So they troop back into the space-ship, and return with some weird-ass ray-gun that can remove a piece of your brain without you even noticing.

They point it at the Abo (sitting there, drinking out his flagon, playing his didge) and fire it off.  The put the piece of brain into the spectro-analyzer, and... nothing.

They look at each other.  "It must be a bit banged up after the flight from Mars.  We'll take another sample".  So out they come again, take aim at the seated Abo (drinking from his flagon, playing his didge), and grab the sample.  Still nothing.  They look at each other.  "Oh well, what do you reckon? Take the lot?"  The other says "We've only come 60 million miles for this - what the hell."

So they aim the ray-gun at the Abo again, who's sitting there, drinking from his flagon and playing his didge.  They fire it off, and take all the remaining brain.

Immediately the Abo jumps up, looks at his didge and throws it in one direction, and then polishes off the flagon and throws the empty in the other direction.  Then he half-crouches, whacking himself about the elbows and knees and hollers:

Ka Mate! Ka Mate! Ka Ora! Ka Ora!


;D ;D ;D

cheers
RET

Kiwi
I think we have the Aussies worried as I've heard the Aust govt has annouced plans to upgrade the airforce planes to - I believe the Tiger Moth, but they are unsure how they will strap the gunners on to the wings. In the meantine they will go with the current emu army equipped with sling shots patrolling the 'green fringed' island.

oops!! dam - to late I should have sent you a p/m

thanks for update co nickers is operation DOLEBLUGGER under way? more than one way to cripple a country aye nick!!!!



regards comaner in cheif and emu sortaouter
kiwi fc ek out  
---___--____>>>>__.....___///::::::: refer yr code book

Comrade
kiwi knows full well what the letters A.N.Z.A.C stand for and as you will not they still can note spell to well.

A= ANOTHER
N= New
Z= ZULANDERS
A= ASS
C=CICKED

So troops lets put on our soccer boots and have a game of KIWI soccer. The guys in WA might be able to help us out with the rules of the game as I believe it is very similar to QUACKA soccer.

Lets "KICK" thier ass at another game. The plight of the Kiwi is not very promising.

message from your leader EMU
dear citizens
i have defected to the usa and am now in exile .
i urge u all to submit to kiwi as your new leader
he is a real leader and can give you things emu never could.
sarge this means you now answer to the kiwis
i know they will be fair to u and ur looking at no more than 10-20 years in prison for your war crimes

SO PLEASE ALL SUBMIT TO KIWI


REGARDS YR EX LEADER EMU :'( :'( :'( :'(

I would really like to say something very witty in response to the Nasty Kiwi, but its 4.30 in the morning and I'm late for my flight.

So .... Sticks n Stones will break my bones........

:P :P :P :P :P

Keep up the good fight boys. Don't listen the bird who speaks with forked beak

I'll be back

Emu. Flyer over of New Zuland at a Great Height

Ha ha.
Upgrade to Tiger Moths?? They would still be a hell of alot more advanced than the Kiwi "Airfarce" (Yes, that is meant to say FARCE!!).
The problem in designing any type of plane that that the "Short Bird with big arse" can fly, is that it is just NOT aerodynamicaly possible. They are also known to be remarkably short-sighted, so are shithouse at a dog fight.
Hmmm, short, not very bright, cant see very well, speaks with a forked tongue. Who does that remind me of?..........................BLOODY HELL! John Howard is a Kiwi! Keep an eye out at your local dole office for him fellas. We have been infiltrated.
Rob J

Heres one for the Kiwi.

hey   the purple clothes have gone from the clothes line

Hes got em on now trev :)

Which reminds me of a joke.
Superman is flying around on a Saturday night thinking how much he would like to make love to Wonder woman , But he thinks shes such a strong natured femminest that he wouldnt stand a chance.
She is so so hot , Hmmm I know , If I fly down into her room at the speed of light have my way with her and fly back out she wont even know I was there.
So Superman flies over to Wonder Womans apartment and spies her naked on the bed in a very inviting position.
its all too much so he flies in has his way and flies back out at the speed of light feeling much more relieved

At that moment Wonder Woman says "What was that"
I dont know but my arse is realy realy sore says the invisible man.


Phantom check the last page for your pic

Well Kiwi,
If that game did not take a few smiles of the Kiwi faces  :'( and that cheeky grin of Carlos Spencer, I bet there is a plane load of plucked Kiwis heading home tommorrow

The talk is cheap and the general came through again


ChrisB   ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D  :P   :P   :P

 ;D ;D ;DYou are cheeky, and I agree 100%
:P :P :P :P :P :Regards Leon :P :P :P :P :P

please can i become an auzzie please
regards a very very sorry and humbled kiwi :'( :'( :'( :'(

kIWI
      DID YOU FORGET TO TELL YOUR WORLD RUBY TEAM THAT THEY WERE TO PLAY AUSTRALIA ON SATURDAY NIGHT IN THE SEMI-FINAL. FOR ALL I WATCHED WAS
:P- RUN MARTAY RUN MARTAY HERE THEY COME- :P
      NOW OLD FOE FROM ACROSS THE WAYS WHY THE TEARS YOU SHOULD BE USE TO IT BY NOW.
      AS FOR YOUR AIR FORCE, DIDNT YOU GET ENOUGH SPARE PART FROM ANSSET TO PUT A SQUADRON TOGETHER BEFROE YOU LOT BOLTED.
      IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU PEOPLE WISH TO BE BEATEN AT.

REGARDS
MARK

Hey Kiwi,

Its me!!!!!

I'm sitting in an apartment overlooking 5th Ave in New York. Slowly recovering from the big night I had in an Irish Pub on 86th street. That's an Irish pub with about 100 Aussies and 2 sorry Kiwis, a big screen and a world cup semi-final.

Enough said!

Had a quick browse of the forum. Looks like the boys are holding their own. I think the tide has turned.

We will be reviewing your application for citizenship seriously. I think something can be arranged for ya.

GTG

Emu, Official Wallaby rubber in arer

Hey Harko, Thanks for the excellent pic mate , it is fantastic , The Phanton does drive an FC ,
                      Cheers Russell

dear oh dear !!!

I'm writing this from the intensive care unit of the Royal Perth Hospital, suffering from deep depression, severe wrist lacerations & recovering from an overdose of waltzing matilda.
As you all may not realise, that was not our strongest team coz most our top players could not get the time off work that day so we had to play with what we could muster on the day.

'viva la France'

oh well - I'm also off to the immigration dept on Monday

I had a suspicion this thread might warm up a bit today.


"Go you good thing"

cheers
RET

I m  Very HUNG OVER from the shitloads of Partying I did , with the money I won betting all the Kiwi Backers,.. Once again NZ go home with Emu shit all over there faces.....     ROLL ON WHOEVER IS NEXT and prepare for the final HUMILIATION....... ALSO congradulations to the KANGAROOS for Retaining the ASHES ...... again.    AND to all you KIWIS ,,,,,, STOP CRYING IN YOUR BEER......

im only gunna say this once emu so listen up
i kiwi herby admit you play rugby/leauge/soccer /cricket and everybloody other sport better than the CURRENT KIWI TEAMS

HAPPY NOW EMU?

KIWI FC EK EX NEWSZEALANDER

This an open letter to the Australian Prime Minister, the Honourable Mr John Howard.

After the humilation of our current sporting teams I wish to apply for political refugee status in your great sporting nation.
Will you please consider my application at your very earliest as it is of utmost importance.

The Honourable Ms Helen Clarke, ex Prime Minster of New Zealand & Mr John Mitchell ex All Black coach

Please Mr Emu do you have a room we could rent in the meantime

just a short message to all EWE kiwis
the "canning stock route "is a track thru the west australian outback- - -  not an annual event involving people & animals.    please pass this on to your fellow country men!!
             trev

Transcript of address to The United Nations by Field Marshal - Emu Kiwi Slayer. New York City, November 16th, 2003.

Members of the assembly, today I have accepted the unconditional surrender of the New Zuland forces from prime Minister Helen "Dag" Clarke and her commander in Chief, Kiwi-Fc.

It is with pleasure that I would like to announce a newly formed allegiance between our two great antipodean nations. We will unite to fight the true enemy of all southern Hemisphereans, the dirty Poms!
General Kiwi has been promoted to Field Marshal and will help rally the N.Z. forces as the great ANZAC spirit is rekindled in this crucial battle.

I urge all Australians to put behind them some of the hurts from our previous battle with the New Zullanders and support Field Marshal  kiwi in my brief abscence.

Go Wallabies!!

Field Marshal Emu - Pommie Basher

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN ! because nothing can save the POMMS.......  ;D ;D

how do you know when a plane load of poms has landed in auzzie or nz


10 minuites after the motors been shut off you can still hear winning commin from the plane

general kiwi
2 i c to supreme comander the honourable mightyEMU

Kiwi Joke

On a tour in Australia, the Pope took a few days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore.

A helpless man, wearing an All Blacks rugby jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25 foot shark. As the Pope watched in horror, a speedboat pulled up with three men wearing Wallabies rugby jerseys. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's side while the other two reached out and pulled the blue semiconscious All Blacks fan from the water.

Then, using long clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat. Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I heard that there were some bitter hatred between Australian and New Zealand rugby fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies, "who was that?"

"It was the Pope" one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom."

"Well" the harpooner said, "he may have access to God and his wisdom, but he doesn't know shit about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up OK or do we need to get another one?"

John M

Ok, here's a pic of a Kiwi at a party with his girlfriend.

Regards
Alex

custom fc is that u hangin arround in the back ground ?????

If that sheep was ouside , that kiwi wpold be on a ride on lawn mower
                               The Phantom

Three mates were sitting in a pub having a beer .
One mate (An Aussie) Pikes up and says.

Oy mates you would not bloody believe what showed up in me kids bag this arvie  ,"A bloody bottla plonk" And I didnt even know she drank.

So the Englishmen retaliates
Well I assure you squire my beloved daughter meandered in from school the other day with a blinkin "Packet of ciggarettes" in her port   ,And I didnt even know she smoked.

Kimon fellas Says the Kiwi mate.
My little girl had a packet of condoms in her backpack last week and "I didnt even know she had a PENIS"

Supreme court case NZ
A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama last week when
he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of the boy. The
boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge awarded
custody to his aunt. The boy confirmed that his aunt beat him more than his
parents and refused to live there. When the judge suggested that he live
with his grandparents the boy cried out that they beat him more than anyone.
The judge dramatically allowed the boy to choose who should have custody of
him. Custody was granted to the All Black rugby team this morning as the boy
firmly believes that they are not capable of beating anyone.

um i have to agree with that

Strange :o :o
Heard the same joke on the radio on Friday but they said the Wallabies, have not heard that announcer yet this week
::) ::)
John M

WELL, WELL, The Kiwis certainly have quitened down quickly,,  Trying to forget something are we ?   ARENT there any POMS out there we can get stuck into ,, or are you POMS already Hiding !  GO THE MIGHTY WALLABIES................................  Only bad thing is its not a very good drinking day in Sydney, Its pissing down  ,, OH WELL , Ill have to find a pub or club with no Air conditioner.

Whaaaaa  Hooooooooo
Australia 17  England 20


Hello - Emu, Slim, Sarge, are you out there?

Kiwi !!!  do you think do we need to send out a search party

Kiwi's also know as south sea pommies ::)
John M

OK well done to the Pommies. They probably deserve to win something after all these years.

World Cup position check:

1. England
2. Australia
3. New Zealand

Still looks like you finished behind us Aussies, and two spots behind your new friends.

Don't worry about sending out a search party to find those three blokes, how about you start looking for a new coach, that'll keep you busy for a while ;D

Cheers,

Craig (Rugby Union and Pommy hater)

to tell you the truth rugby bores me to tears give me car racing any day
kiwi fc ek never a rugby supporter & lover of car racing

GO HOLDEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the
> "Axis of Evil," Libya,
> China and Syria today announced that they had formed
> the "Axis of Just as
> Evil," which they said would be more evil than that
> stupid Iran-Iraq-North
> Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of
> the Union address.
>
>
> Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed
> the new Axis as having,
> for starters, a really dumb name.     "Right.  They
> are just as evil . . .
> in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim
> Jong-il.  "Everybody
> knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil
> . . .  we're the best."
>
> Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over
> being excluded, although
> they conceded they did ask if they could join the
> Axis of Evil.  "They told
> us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar
> al-Assad. "An axis can't have
> more than three countries," explained Iraqi
> President Saddam Hussein. "This
> is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you
> had Germany, Italy, and
> Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three,
> and a secret handshake.
> Ours is wickedly cool."
>
> International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil
> declaration was swift, as
> within minutes, France surrendered.
> Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain
> triumvirate status in what
> has become a game of geopolitical chairs.
> Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had
> formed the "Axis of Somewhat
> Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and
> Myanmar in the "Axis of
> Occasionally Evil," while Bulgaria, Indonesia and
> Russia established the
> "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally
> Disagreeable."
>
> With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the
> desirable clubs filling up,
> Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be
> called the "Axis of
> Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't
> Be Asked to Host the
> Olympics".
>
> Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of
> Nations That Are Actually
> Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts
> About America,"
>
> while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established
> the "Axis of Countries
> That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick."
>
> "That's not a threat, really, just something we like
> to do," said Scottish
> Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
>
> While wondering if the other nations of the world
> weren't perhaps making fun
> of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most
> axis, although he rejected
> the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose
> Names End in 'Guay,"
> accusing one of its members of filing a false
> application.  Officials from
> Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
>
> Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join
> any Axis, but privately
> world leaders said that's only because no one asked
> them.
>
> __________________________________________________________________
>
> Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile
> in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them,
> you're a
> mile away and you have their shoes.
> __________________________________________________________________
>
>

I will never Hide from the FACT that Im a PROUD AUSSIE, WIN OR LOSE..... And we fought to the bitter End as All AUSSIES do ,,, WELL done to the POMS ,, BUT we just won the Rugby League ASHES 3 - zip...    And I cant understand Rugby Onion anyway...      GREAT EFFORT WALLABIES .... BETTER TO BE GRACIOUS IN DEFEAT    Blah Blah Blah.... But we still beat the KIWIS. AND thats what this thread was all About..    So the Proper Score is (1) POMMIES .......................................(2) EMUS, WALLABIES ........(3) kiwis

What do I want to be I want to be a Wallabie. Proud to be an Aussie, Always have been and always will be. Win, Draw or Lose. Our Aussie's done their best and fought to the bitter end, thats all that one can ask of his country-men. As its not like we came 3rd, now that would be shameful to be runners-up to a Kiwi.

Regards
Sarge One Aussie that never hide his pride.

Come the end of the day it was a great event, who ever won & all in all a bit of the good 'ol inter Tasman rivilery that will never ever go away, was just a good bit of fun.
And like the Aussie's I'm still a proud NZ'er

Well done the Pomes

Two Kiwis boarded a flight out of Sydney after a rugby game. One sat in the window seat and the other sat in the middle seat.

Just before take-off, an Aussie got on and took the aisle seat.

After take-off, the Aussie kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Kiwi in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a beer." "No problem," said the Aussie, "I'll get it for you."
While he was gone, one of the Kiwi's picked up the Aussie's shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the beer, the other Kiwi said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."

Again, the Aussie obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other Kiwi picked up the other shoe and spat in it. When the Aussie returned to his seat, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the Aussie slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

"Why does it have to be this way?" he asked.  "How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This  hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes, and pissing in
beers?"

I bet the Aussie stirred the beers also ! With his special SPOON....  

Hey Guys,

Its the mighty but somewhat humbled Emu.

What a great thread u guys have created in my abscence. I'm in Salt Lake City - bloody cold!!!

The Kiwi got me one last time the other night.

I couldn't get to see the World Cup Final so I had an american  rellie tape it for me. I was determined not to find out the score so I could watch it live - so to speak. For 24 hours I avoided any information from Oz that might spoil this plan. The night before I was to watch the game, at about 3.00 am my phone rang and in a half awake stupor I did a silly thing.... I answered it.
Before I could say anything, our mate Kiwi yells.. YOU LOST! YOU LOST!

Good onya Kiwi that was the most painful thing you have done since this trans tasman battle commenced.

Keep up the good work guys. I can see I have a lot of posts to read while I have access to this computer for a day or two!!

Emu retired Field Marshal